Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football. 'Hello mum, guess what?' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.
''Wonderful,' says his mum, 'Now let me tell you about my day. While you were out playing football and having fun, your father got shot in the street and robbed. At the same time your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped, and beaten up and your brother has joined a gang of looters.
'The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum? I'm so sorry.'
'Sorry!' exclaims his Mum, 'Sorry is not good enough, it's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!'
Courtesy of Katharine