The I94 is the form that visitors to the US have to fill in to get through the social assault course that is US immigration. This is has got to be the most poorly thought out form on the planet yet it is filled in by 14 thousand people everyday.
So to be specific, what is wrong with it?
1. The boxes are confusingly laid out, especially when you start it’s very easy to write in the wrong ones. You may scoff I have seen lots of people do it, especially when you are tired and jet lagged.
2. All this bullshit about the address where you are staying on the first night. Holiday Inn, Downtown, Noweheresville. And to make things worse you can’t normally fit in a full address anyway. The box is too small.
3. Then it asks you for your visa number . Doh – this is a visa waiver form, if I had a visa I’d be filling out the white not the green one. Yes it is that fundamentally flawed!
4. The box for email address is only 15 characters, that’s too short for virtually any email address I have ever seen and certainly any of the 4 I have, which means you need to write outside the box, then they get mad, so you make up an email address that is shorter.
5. You have to fill out your name, birthday and nationality three times, four if you count the costumes form which everyone else seems to manage to include in their immigration form (e.g, Canada)
6. Then you have to fill the freaking thing in, even if you are just in transit to another country.
7. And they get stroppy when you don’t have an address for the first night – I AM IN TRANSIT, passing through, I am not here tonight! Its not that fuckin complicated!
8. Then the ask you loads of inane questions like “are you a terrorist?” or “are you a druggy?” and the best “are you a nazi war criminal?” How many would be drug smuggling terrorist Nazis do you think got caught out by that? “Damn I almost made it and then those questions caught me out, again”.
9. WTF is "moral turpitude?"
10. Then and this is the one that really pisses me off, they staple that bit into your passport. That’s vandalism, that passport has to last me 10 years – stop punching holes into it!
America your form is shit – sort it out