Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again... ONE,TWO, THREE... UUH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection.
The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" "I couldn't even get on the bed!.."
---------------------------------------------
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
25 February 2011
Christchurch Earthquake
The recent 6.3 magnitude earthquake which has recently hit Christchurch is a disaster for the people who have died, for the people who have lost loved ones and for the people that have lost their homes. No one would doubt that any natural disaster is tragic for all of those involved.
However, the global reaction, at least in the west is interesting. I would argue that we have lost a certain degree of perspective here. Firstly, approximately 100 people have died and another 300 are missing, presumed dead. Last year a magnitude 7 earthquake hit Haiti and 316 000 people died, it hardly made the news. That is a death toll that is 1000 times worse, yet no one in the west really seemed to care. Let’s be clear, that is 1000 Haitians for every Kiwi, the scale is almost unimaginable.
In 2005 an earthquake in Kashmir killed 80 000 people and destroyed the homes of several hundred thousand of the World’s poorest people in the middle of winter. This one only made the news because the Taliban did a better job of helping the afflicted than the West and won the battle for hearts and minds. There was an earthquake in Sichuan in 2008 that killed almost 100,000 people that didn’t even make the news here. Who cares about 100,000 Chinese when there are 1.5 billion of them?
There is clearly an element of “people like us”. The perceived magnitude of any event is related to the proximity. A serious injury to us or family, the death of a neighbour, the untimely death of several strangers in our town, a few hundred people in another western society or a hundred thousand in Kashmir are all considered comparable tragedies. That is human nature, but surely we need to try and at least partially over come this bias if we are ever to live in a truly global society.
Another interesting perspective is the understanding of risk. In the West we are fortunate enough to have an understanding of what causes earthquakes and while we can’t predict exactly where and when they will occur we know which areas are prone to them. Yet we are still shocked when they happen. If you build a town on a fault zone, if you build a house on a flood plain, if you build a city on the top of a subsiding delta in the centre of hurricane alley, how can you be surprised when they suffer natural disasters? We understand all these things yet we choose to ignore them until the disaster strikes. That is not to say that we should not live in such places, but rather we shouldn’t be surprised when, from time to time the inevitable happens.
But none of this changes the magntitude of the event for the people of Christchurch who have lost their friends, family homes and businesses. It certainly makes you realise how fragile life is and how quickly our world can be torn apart.
However, the global reaction, at least in the west is interesting. I would argue that we have lost a certain degree of perspective here. Firstly, approximately 100 people have died and another 300 are missing, presumed dead. Last year a magnitude 7 earthquake hit Haiti and 316 000 people died, it hardly made the news. That is a death toll that is 1000 times worse, yet no one in the west really seemed to care. Let’s be clear, that is 1000 Haitians for every Kiwi, the scale is almost unimaginable.
In 2005 an earthquake in Kashmir killed 80 000 people and destroyed the homes of several hundred thousand of the World’s poorest people in the middle of winter. This one only made the news because the Taliban did a better job of helping the afflicted than the West and won the battle for hearts and minds. There was an earthquake in Sichuan in 2008 that killed almost 100,000 people that didn’t even make the news here. Who cares about 100,000 Chinese when there are 1.5 billion of them?
There is clearly an element of “people like us”. The perceived magnitude of any event is related to the proximity. A serious injury to us or family, the death of a neighbour, the untimely death of several strangers in our town, a few hundred people in another western society or a hundred thousand in Kashmir are all considered comparable tragedies. That is human nature, but surely we need to try and at least partially over come this bias if we are ever to live in a truly global society.
Another interesting perspective is the understanding of risk. In the West we are fortunate enough to have an understanding of what causes earthquakes and while we can’t predict exactly where and when they will occur we know which areas are prone to them. Yet we are still shocked when they happen. If you build a town on a fault zone, if you build a house on a flood plain, if you build a city on the top of a subsiding delta in the centre of hurricane alley, how can you be surprised when they suffer natural disasters? We understand all these things yet we choose to ignore them until the disaster strikes. That is not to say that we should not live in such places, but rather we shouldn’t be surprised when, from time to time the inevitable happens.
But none of this changes the magntitude of the event for the people of Christchurch who have lost their friends, family homes and businesses. It certainly makes you realise how fragile life is and how quickly our world can be torn apart.
24 February 2011
The Solar System
Before the internet, if you wanted to understand the relative motions of the various celestial bodies in the solar system you would have used an astrolabe. A fiendishly clever but also complicated mechanical device that modelled the potistion of the various bodies at different times. They were very difficult to use.
Now its all a whole lot easier with the advent of flash tools such as this one here.
The detail is fantatsic, if you watch the Earth (third rock from the Sun) carefully you can actually see the six month polar night/day caused of the Earth's tilt.
And just in case, like me you can't remember the order of the planets, here is a nice image from Wikipedia to help.
Now its all a whole lot easier with the advent of flash tools such as this one here.
(Click on the image or the link above to see it working)
The detail is fantatsic, if you watch the Earth (third rock from the Sun) carefully you can actually see the six month polar night/day caused of the Earth's tilt.
And just in case, like me you can't remember the order of the planets, here is a nice image from Wikipedia to help.
23 February 2011
Wednesday Movie
Not too much spare time at the moment but here are a couple of unrelated movies that I saw this week that I enjoyed.
The first is about a new dinosaur from Utah, not sure exactly where it was found but the description says Grand County near the Colorado River, so I am guessing its out of the Dakota or Ceder Mountain Fm. It is characterised by very large thighs and is proposed to have had an aggressive nature, so probably not to different to some of the ladies I have met in Green River and supporting a provinance in the Book Cliffs area...
The second is a climbing movie - Dean Potter soling a route in Yosemite. Cool, calm and totally in control, but its really worth watching for the final movie - amazing, my hands are sweating and its about the fifth time I have watched it!
The first is about a new dinosaur from Utah, not sure exactly where it was found but the description says Grand County near the Colorado River, so I am guessing its out of the Dakota or Ceder Mountain Fm. It is characterised by very large thighs and is proposed to have had an aggressive nature, so probably not to different to some of the ladies I have met in Green River and supporting a provinance in the Book Cliffs area...
The second is a climbing movie - Dean Potter soling a route in Yosemite. Cool, calm and totally in control, but its really worth watching for the final movie - amazing, my hands are sweating and its about the fifth time I have watched it!
18 February 2011
Friday Joke - medical students
After all this hanging about in hospitials over the last couple of weeks, this weeks Friday joke is on a medical theme. An oldie but a goodie.
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
" Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns ticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth.
" Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns ticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
16 February 2011
Sea Shepherd success
I have been following this years Sea Shepherd campaign to stop the Japanese butchers in the Southern Ocean with incredulous delight. Could it really be true that they have found the fleet and prevented them from whaling? That was certainly the impression one got from reading the Sea Shepherd website over the last two months, but was it true? There was always a nagging doubt that something else was afoot. Was it all a smart Japanese scam? You had to wonder that while the Sea Shepherds boats had shut down one factory ship that maybe the vast southern Ocean hid another, even bigger one going about its murderous business.
Then I heard on the BBC this morning that the Japanese fisheries department has pulled their fleet out of the whaling grounds. This is fantastic news, it makes me so happy to know that in March 950 whales that would have been pointless murdered to satisfy some cretinous vision of culture, will be swimming freely.
Once again this proves that direct action works and is often the only solution.
Then I heard on the BBC this morning that the Japanese fisheries department has pulled their fleet out of the whaling grounds. This is fantastic news, it makes me so happy to know that in March 950 whales that would have been pointless murdered to satisfy some cretinous vision of culture, will be swimming freely.
Once again this proves that direct action works and is often the only solution.
Wednesday Movie
The first of this weeks movie shows the beauty of western Norway in the Spring time
And just to prove there is some wild winter conditions on this side of the rift valley - some very hard core Scottish Winter action
Of course none of this is for me at the moment but I am having fun anyway
And just to prove there is some wild winter conditions on this side of the rift valley - some very hard core Scottish Winter action
Of course none of this is for me at the moment but I am having fun anyway
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