26 October 2011

Mario Balotelli

The majority of my friends know my views on football, which I think is one of the dullest games known to man. How you can watch 90 minutes of mediocrity which result in a 1-0 win for some bunch of grossly over-paid egos and think it was great entertainment is beyond me. I also think that the majority of footballs are prissy, over indulged children. 

However, every now and again along comes someone who is so extreme and out there that its real rock n roll. That man is Mario Balotelli 

Last week Balotelli managed to burn his own house down whilst setting fireworks off from his bathroom window at 1am. He then went on to score two goals against Man Utd the next day. 

A quick investigation into this gem of a man revealed this, which is a great introduction to the man and his talents. Even if you hate football it's worth 30 seconds to watch. There is mountains more on youtube.

Roy Fitz sent me this great A-Z
 A  is for AC Milan. If you're a football player for Inter Milan, what's the most intelligent thing you can possibly do? That's right! You parade around on  national  television wearing the shirt of your club's bitter rivals, AC Milan!
B is for bib.
C  is  for  Camorra.  Balotelli is suspected by many to have links with The Camorra  -  a  criminal organisation very similar to The Mafia - because he was  given  a  guided  tour  around  notoriously violent areas of Naples by mobsters. He claims not to have known that they were mobsters at the time.
D  is for derby. Manchester Utd 1-6 Manchester City. Mario Balotelli scored twice  as City handed Utd their heaviest defeat in Premier League history - something the fans won't soon forget
E  is  for ego. "There's only one player that is a little stronger than me: Messi. All of the others are behind me." - see N for a follow up.
F  is  for  fireworks. Mario is extremely safety conscious when it comes to fire  safety. He would never do something irresponsible like - I don't know -shoot fireworks from his bathroom window! See Q for a follow up.
G is for generosity. Mario Balotelli has regularly been spotted handing out
£20 notes to passers-by. See H for a follow up. 
H  is  for  homeless. After winning £25,000 in a casino, Balotelli handed a homeless  man  £1,000  in  cash.  When asked why, he said it was because he liked his ginger dreadlocks and beard. 
I  is  for  impound. Balotelli has reportedly had his white Maserati sports car  impounded  27  times whilst racking up a staggering £10,000 in parking fines. 
J  is  for  Jenny  Thompson.  The  prostitute linked to Wayne Rooney in the media.  Balotelli reportedly saw her in a Manchester restaurant (See, Tevez
-  Manchester  does have restaurants) and started chanting "ROONEY!
ROONEY!ROONEY!" at the top of his voice. 
K  is  for  karma.  Mario  Balotelli's  back-heeled goal attempt against LA Galaxy  landed  him  in  hot  water with Roberto Mancini. He was subbed off instantly.  Balotelli  claimed  that he only attempted the back-heeled goal because he thought he was offside. 
L  is  for  Lothario.  Balotelli reportedly shouted at a 'wannabe WAG' in a restaurant.  With  food  falling  from  his mouth he told her to come over.
Unbelievably,  she came over. He handed her his phone and told her to store her number in it. Even more unbelievably, she did it. She then left without either of them saying another word. Who says romance is dead? 
M is for marmite. You either love him or you hate him. 
N   is   for   Nicklas  Bendtner  syndrome.  Balotelli  suffers  from  what
psychologists  call  "Nicklas Bendtner syndrome" - Mario genuinely believes he's the best player the world has ever seen.
O  is  for open top bus. When Man City won the FA cup, Balotelli reportedly said  he'd  only  go  on  the open top bus parade if he could take his dog, Lucky, on board with him. His request was denied. 
P  is for passenger seat. Mario Balotelli was pulled over by police shortly after  moving  to  Manchester  because he was driving round with £25,000 in cash  on  his passenger seat. When they asked him why he had it, he laughed and replied "because I can." 
Q  is for question. Who's the best man to front a firework safety campaign?
Answer  -  The  man  who set his £3million mansion on fire, with fireworks, just two days before fronting the campaign.
R is for role-model. Balotelli is the ideal role-model for kids everywhere.
Whether  he's  throwing darts, setting off fireworks indoors or abusing the general public, Mario's behaviour is always top-notch!
S  is  for  show  off. When Balotelli won the European Golden Boy Trophy he bragged  that  he had never even heard of his closest rival, Jack Wilshere, but would find out who he was just so he could remind him that he came in 2 nd place. 
T  is  for tyre-track. My personal favourite of Mario's crazy haircuts. (It was hard to pick a favourite) 
U is for undoubted talent. Aged just 21 Balotelli has already scored nearly
50 professional goals and has won 7 major trophies, including the Champions League.
V  is  for  visitor.  Balotelli  once  took  his younger brother to visit a women's  prison.  When  questioned  by guards Mario said he and his brother were "just curious at the fact that it was a women's prison."
W is for "why always me?"
X  is  for x-ray. Balotelli has been sidelined several times throughout his career due to recurring knee injuries.
Y  is  for youth team. Balotelli was once found guilty of throwing darts at members  of the Man City youth team. His excuse? "I got bored and wanted to pass some time."
Z  is  for  zoom.  Following  Man  City's  6-1  win over Man Utd, Balotelli reportedly  drove  around  Manchester  high-fiving City fans out of his car window.  I'm  not  sure about the validity of this story, but let's face it it does sound like something he'd do.

No comments: