The majority of my friends know my views on football, which I think is one of the dullest games known to man. How you can watch 90 minutes of mediocrity which result in a 1-0 win for some bunch of grossly over-paid egos and think it was great entertainment is beyond me. I also think that the majority of footballs are prissy, over indulged children.
However, every now and again along comes someone who is so extreme and out there that its real rock n roll. That man is Mario Balotelli
Last week Balotelli managed to burn his own house down whilst setting fireworks off from his bathroom window at 1am. He then went on to score two goals against Man Utd the next day.
A quick investigation into this gem of a man revealed this, which is a great introduction to the man and his talents. Even if you hate football it's worth 30 seconds to watch. There is mountains more on youtube.
Roy Fitz sent me this great A-Z
A is for AC Milan. If you're a football player for Inter Milan, what's the most intelligent thing you can possibly do? That's right! You parade around on national television wearing the shirt of your club's bitter rivals, AC Milan!
B is for bib.
C is for Camorra. Balotelli is suspected by many to have links with The Camorra - a criminal organisation very similar to The Mafia - because he was given a guided tour around notoriously violent areas of Naples by mobsters. He claims not to have known that they were mobsters at the time.
D is for derby. Manchester Utd 1-6 Manchester City. Mario Balotelli scored twice as City handed Utd their heaviest defeat in Premier League history - something the fans won't soon forget
E is for ego. "There's only one player that is a little stronger than me: Messi. All of the others are behind me." - see N for a follow up.
F is for fireworks. Mario is extremely safety conscious when it comes to fire safety. He would never do something irresponsible like - I don't know -shoot fireworks from his bathroom window! See Q for a follow up.
G is for generosity. Mario Balotelli has regularly been spotted handing out
£20 notes to passers-by. See H for a follow up.
H is for homeless. After winning £25,000 in a casino, Balotelli handed a homeless man £1,000 in cash. When asked why, he said it was because he liked his ginger dreadlocks and beard.
I is for impound. Balotelli has reportedly had his white Maserati sports car impounded 27 times whilst racking up a staggering £10,000 in parking fines.
J is for Jenny Thompson. The prostitute linked to Wayne Rooney in the media. Balotelli reportedly saw her in a Manchester restaurant (See, Tevez
- Manchester does have restaurants) and started chanting "ROONEY!
ROONEY!ROONEY!" at the top of his voice.
K is for karma. Mario Balotelli's back-heeled goal attempt against LA Galaxy landed him in hot water with Roberto Mancini. He was subbed off instantly. Balotelli claimed that he only attempted the back-heeled goal because he thought he was offside.
L is for Lothario. Balotelli reportedly shouted at a 'wannabe WAG' in a restaurant. With food falling from his mouth he told her to come over.
Unbelievably, she came over. He handed her his phone and told her to store her number in it. Even more unbelievably, she did it. She then left without either of them saying another word. Who says romance is dead?
M is for marmite. You either love him or you hate him.
N is for Nicklas Bendtner syndrome. Balotelli suffers from what
psychologists call "Nicklas Bendtner syndrome" - Mario genuinely believes he's the best player the world has ever seen.
O is for open top bus. When Man City won the FA cup, Balotelli reportedly said he'd only go on the open top bus parade if he could take his dog, Lucky, on board with him. His request was denied.
P is for passenger seat. Mario Balotelli was pulled over by police shortly after moving to Manchester because he was driving round with £25,000 in cash on his passenger seat. When they asked him why he had it, he laughed and replied "because I can."
Q is for question. Who's the best man to front a firework safety campaign?
Answer - The man who set his £3million mansion on fire, with fireworks, just two days before fronting the campaign.
R is for role-model. Balotelli is the ideal role-model for kids everywhere.
Whether he's throwing darts, setting off fireworks indoors or abusing the general public, Mario's behaviour is always top-notch!
S is for show off. When Balotelli won the European Golden Boy Trophy he bragged that he had never even heard of his closest rival, Jack Wilshere, but would find out who he was just so he could remind him that he came in 2 nd place.
T is for tyre-track. My personal favourite of Mario's crazy haircuts. (It was hard to pick a favourite)
U is for undoubted talent. Aged just 21 Balotelli has already scored nearly
50 professional goals and has won 7 major trophies, including the Champions League.
V is for visitor. Balotelli once took his younger brother to visit a women's prison. When questioned by guards Mario said he and his brother were "just curious at the fact that it was a women's prison."
W is for "why always me?"
X is for x-ray. Balotelli has been sidelined several times throughout his career due to recurring knee injuries.
Y is for youth team. Balotelli was once found guilty of throwing darts at members of the Man City youth team. His excuse? "I got bored and wanted to pass some time."
Z is for zoom. Following Man City's 6-1 win over Man Utd, Balotelli reportedly drove around Manchester high-fiving City fans out of his car window. I'm not sure about the validity of this story, but let's face it it does sound like something he'd do.