Some classic Milton Jones
I’d just like to say to the old man who was wearing camouflage gear and using crutches, who stole my wallet earlier: ‘you can hide, but you can’t run.
When I was young my parents used to say to me: ‘To pay for your education, your father & I had to make a lot of sacrifices’. And it was true, ’cause they were both druids.
I don’t know about you, but I really hate sitting in traffic. ’Cause I always get run over.
If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then onto a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They train for that.
The school had a big problem with drugs… especially Class A.
As a child I watched Mary Poppins so many times I suffered from a condition with my sight. Umdiddleiddleiddleumdiddle Eye.
When my grandfather became ill, my grandmother greased his back. After that, he went downhill very quickly.
My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times.