Another Quck Update

Still jetting around like an idiot, but the last week or seem have been increasingly alcohol soaked, primarily because I have been mixing weddings with catching up with old friends and in both incidences there is a tendency to drink too much...

Last weekend was Åsmunds wedding, a very nice humanist service in a theatre followed by food, beer and speeches in the old Hansa Brewer. A great day.

Monday night flew to the UK for Riks wedding on the solstice at Mytholme. Another great humanist wedding with a service devised by the couple followed by a large drinking session in collasal set of wigwams. Really great atmosphere, eventually made it to bed at 4am.

Next day it was down to London for various meetings and some beers in Soho with Gregor. Thursday night headed up to Liverpool and had a huge night with Flint and Dave - great to catch up with them and nice to be out in the Pool.

Friday night drove to the peak but couldn't find Chris' house and ended up staying with Mike. Long story. Eventually got Chris' number and spent Saturday mixing concrete and driving a tractor - that took me back a few years. Realised it was 26 years since we left the farm. That's more than half a life time.

Then back to Macc via the Peak and one quick gritstone VS crack that destroyed my hands. The clue was in the name - "the file"

Night out in Macc with a curry and then a night club full of menacing looking guys with shaven heads and fat girls in too-tight clothing and very high heels. Oh the joys of England...

Now heading back to Bergen for a few days before Spain...

The geologist

We are all accoustomed to the fountain of knowledge that is wikipedia

Well it seems that the lesser know uncyclopedia has got the common geologist better nailed here

Friday Joke - Creationists

I never cease to be amazed that in modern, sophisticated societies, large numbers of people still subscribe to a belief that the World was created in 6 days, 6000 years ago by some invisible, all powerful mystic being.

I guess stupidity is the easy option when you can't be bothered to try and learn something complicated like science, but if you want to accept all the benifits that sceince has brought you should also accept the logical conclusion that there is no god and even if there is, the Genesis account of creation is a pile of steaming horse poo...

"All a bit serious this, where is the Friday Joke?" I hear you mutter...

Creationism is a huge joke, but if you want something more tangible...

L

L

There are some excellent youtube channels that very clearly explain the basics of science, including geology and evolution.

For starters I recommend:

http://www.youtube.com/user/cdk007

http://www.youtube.com/user/potholer54

http://www.youtube.com/user/AronRa

Have a good weekend

Friday Joke - Parking Nazis

This weeks Friday joke is dedicated to bashing the traffic warden, primarily because they gave me a ticket last night...

I make no apology for picking such any easy target, I can't begin to imagine what personality defects would bring a person to chose such a mind numbingly tedious and hateful career. Maybe it's the neo-nazi uniform, maybe it's the power trip, maybe it's the pleasure you derive from inflicting misery on people or maybe its simply the fact that you were too stupid to get any other job. Whatever the reason, if you actually woke up one morning and decided "I want to be a traffic warden" then you are scum.

I recognise that there is a need for some enforcement, I know that without some sort of rules all the selfish tossers that drive BMWs would just stop when and wherever they wanted. But when you wander the virtually empty streets at 9.30pm looking for victims or dish out tickets at 8.05am to people without residents permits then you probably need to ask yourself where your life is headed.

And the jokes

Why do Traffic Wardens have a yellow line round their hat?
So people don't park on their heads.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden's funeral, a voice screamed from inside, "I'm not dead! I'm not dead!"To which the vicar shouted back, "Sorry, the paperwork has already been done!"

I was parking my car up yesterday when a rather angry traffic warden banged on the window and shouted, "You can't park your car there!"
I said, "I can, the sign says 'Fine for Parking'!"

And some movies I found....

And while I was looking for material to put here I found this rather good short movie from NZ that made me feel just a tad guilty about what I wrote above....

Then I thought about the 500 nok fine and remembered that they are still scumbags...

Have a good weekend

Quick update

I have been super busy recently, mainly with work so I haven't had much time to lay much compost down in the blog. Weather-wise it's been a truly shit summer in Norway. There was only 6 days in the whole of August when it didn't rain! As I sit and write this the evil lair is once again trashed by a another huge storm and the fat cat is refusing to leave the house.

www.yr.no is a great Norwegian weather site, it has pretty good forecasts and some really neat animations of both the radar and satellite data. When the weather is shit you can at least see what is giving you a hammering.

It also has stats, lots of them - I love stats. Here is their summary for the last year.

From this you can see that almost every month has been wetter than average, except June, when the summer was young and had so much promise! On the plus side I am glad I was away for May and you can see the really cold spell in Feb. when we did lots of ice climbing. Lets hope that comes again.

Anyway so in all this shit weather we have
1. Been to see Cold Play - which was much better than I expected. Always thought they were ok but a bit dull, live they were excellent. It's a long time since I saw a singer work that hard to entertain a crowd.

2. Been out climbing twice, got rained off my secret crag after doing 1.5 routes.

3. Built a wall in my garden

4. Been to Houston twice - Texas is having record temperatures, which are keeping the hurricanes at bay, which in turn is why we are getting lots of shit weather. It's always good to blame the Texans

5. Been to Wales for Val and Eric's wedding. A fine weekend, great atmosphere, really nice to catch up with everyone

6. Party at Rolf's place with much wine and cake

And a hefty dose of lots of work in both jobs and that about sums it up...

Petter Solberg's Noglish

Petter Solberg was one of the World's top Rally drivers and in 2003 was the first Norwegian to win the World Rally Championship. How a Norwegian ever learns to drive that fast in a country which has some of the World's most draconian speed limits and enforcement is a mystery. Perhaps there are less police on the roads in the eastern part of Norway, anyway a digression from the purpose of the post.

While the rest of the World knows Solberg for his driving, he is almost as famous in Norway for his very poor english, especially when he is excited. He has a tendency to mix up Norwegian and English (Noglish)and come out with some class phrases - here are a few class examples that have been in TV interviews sent to me by Trygve.

(Note that "fart" is the Norwegian word for "speed"

"I had a very big fart, and suddenly I fucked off the road"
"I had a stop in the start"
"I`m driving round the corner, and crash in the christmas tree."
"I had bad pigs in my dekk" (winter tires with studs are called pegg dekker)
"It was a moose in the engine"
"but but, it is't only only you know"
"It wåss so møch dog on the window"
"It's not only only, but but "
"it was werry werry funny"
"he is my wife in the car ehh....no sex"
"i drived and then it was a sving and a sving til så a stein and pang i drived rett in the juletre"
"When i keim around the corner, it all went to Hælvette" (Hælvette is the universal Norwegian swear word, soemwhere between "fuckin hell and shit")
"The car understyrt ænd i was going strait fram"
"I came with a great fart and dishappered as a prikk in the sky''
"i just take full fart and Drive "
"The rat is loose"

And my favorite
"It's not the fart that kills you, it's the smell" (smell being a Norwegian word for impact or crash)

Friday Joke, - dogs and cats

Things are a bit manic at the moment but normal service will be resumed soon.
In the meantime the friday joke is an oldie but I think a goodie!

The difference between dogs and cats as revealed from their diary entrys...

Have a good weekend

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.