I have resisted the temptation to be topical and post a large stack of Jacko jokes, about him tripping over prams and blaming it on the buggy; being recycled into any number of childrens toys; about asking the ambulance man to take him to the childrens ward etc etc. I figure you've heard them all already anyway...
So here is something that is always topical if you live in Norway.
A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 pennies to play with to keep him occupied while he goes to order.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up 2 of the pennies, but keeps choking. Looking at his son,the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up,puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way,unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the penny to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
'No,' the woman replied. I am a Tax Collecter
30 June 2009
28 June 2009
Inspired
Interesting post from Ian at Hypo-theses about what inspired him to become a geologist. This is part of a thread accumulating at Volcanista under the "Accretionary Wedge" festival.
A couple of things influenced my career choice. I grew up on a small farm in mid-Wales and always enjoyed being outdoors, I knew from a pretty early age that I didn't want to be stuck in an office wearing a suit. Infact it never really occured to me that I cound end up in an office. I knew that I was going to work out doors and it would be something that involved both my hands and my brain.
The second major influence on my career direction was my parents. Before settling on the farm, both of them had travelled extensively. My mother had toured the US, Canada and Europe with a Circus in the 1950's and my father had spent 17 years in the far and middle East with the Special Forces and later as a mercenary. I grew up in a world where far-away places were desirable and obtainable, you just had to want it and work for it!
By the age of 15 I had already dropped the idea of farming, long days, bugger all money and no travel. I briefly considered being a vet but soon found out that I was not smart enough. After that I started to consider forestry, I knew how to use a chainsaw and had met some people who had worked in Canada and parts of Africa, it sounded like it fitted the bill.
Then at some point around the age of 15 I read a novel called "Landslide" by Desmond Bagley. The lead character was a geologist working on a site survey for a dam in BC, camping-out in remote terrain and mapping. This simple story, combined with a strong love of physical geography, which had been inspired by a great teacher called Michael Trew planted a seed. The more I read about the early oil explorationists in North Africa and the Far East the more I knew that I found something that was both interesting and could also give the lifestyle that I wanted.
At my school Geology was only an option at A'level*. It was an odd set up where you took both the O' and A'level in two years. I returned to the sixth form and signed up, also taking Biology as a way of keeping the Forestry option open.
The geology teacher was a nice guy, but had some pretty dated views on the subject. We learned about mio-eu-geosynclines, continental drift and various other 1950's concepts which had filled the text books when he had been a student. Totally unaware of how completely dated all this material was, I lapped it up. Come the final exam I was the only person in the class to pass, infact I was the first person in 10 years to pass, and although not great, the grade that was just enough to get me to Cardiff Uni. Nice guy, shitte geologist.
Cardiff was a whole new World, some awesome lectures who really got my started. The rest, as they say is history...
To be continued...
* Note to readers who are not middle aged Brits - an A'level is the exam you take at aged 18(ish) at the end of your school career. Most students do 3 or 4 subjects. The choice and results have a major impact on your subsequent career path. O'levels were the exams that you took at 16. Most people did a broad spread of subjects and the results of these determined which A'levels you could do. They have since been replaced with something called GCSE. I am too middle aged to understand how these are actually any different and why this was not just a cynical re-branding exercise.
A couple of things influenced my career choice. I grew up on a small farm in mid-Wales and always enjoyed being outdoors, I knew from a pretty early age that I didn't want to be stuck in an office wearing a suit. Infact it never really occured to me that I cound end up in an office. I knew that I was going to work out doors and it would be something that involved both my hands and my brain.
The second major influence on my career direction was my parents. Before settling on the farm, both of them had travelled extensively. My mother had toured the US, Canada and Europe with a Circus in the 1950's and my father had spent 17 years in the far and middle East with the Special Forces and later as a mercenary. I grew up in a world where far-away places were desirable and obtainable, you just had to want it and work for it!
By the age of 15 I had already dropped the idea of farming, long days, bugger all money and no travel. I briefly considered being a vet but soon found out that I was not smart enough. After that I started to consider forestry, I knew how to use a chainsaw and had met some people who had worked in Canada and parts of Africa, it sounded like it fitted the bill.
Then at some point around the age of 15 I read a novel called "Landslide" by Desmond Bagley. The lead character was a geologist working on a site survey for a dam in BC, camping-out in remote terrain and mapping. This simple story, combined with a strong love of physical geography, which had been inspired by a great teacher called Michael Trew planted a seed. The more I read about the early oil explorationists in North Africa and the Far East the more I knew that I found something that was both interesting and could also give the lifestyle that I wanted.
At my school Geology was only an option at A'level*. It was an odd set up where you took both the O' and A'level in two years. I returned to the sixth form and signed up, also taking Biology as a way of keeping the Forestry option open.
The geology teacher was a nice guy, but had some pretty dated views on the subject. We learned about mio-eu-geosynclines, continental drift and various other 1950's concepts which had filled the text books when he had been a student. Totally unaware of how completely dated all this material was, I lapped it up. Come the final exam I was the only person in the class to pass, infact I was the first person in 10 years to pass, and although not great, the grade that was just enough to get me to Cardiff Uni. Nice guy, shitte geologist.
Cardiff was a whole new World, some awesome lectures who really got my started. The rest, as they say is history...
To be continued...
* Note to readers who are not middle aged Brits - an A'level is the exam you take at aged 18(ish) at the end of your school career. Most students do 3 or 4 subjects. The choice and results have a major impact on your subsequent career path. O'levels were the exams that you took at 16. Most people did a broad spread of subjects and the results of these determined which A'levels you could do. They have since been replaced with something called GCSE. I am too middle aged to understand how these are actually any different and why this was not just a cynical re-branding exercise.
26 June 2009
Friday Fun - more Irish humour
Today's friday fun, shamelessly stolen from Angharad (again)...
I am home alone this weekend and the weather looks amazing. Not sure what to do yet - climb, kayak, play in the boat, finish the terrace, go to the Extreme Sport festival in Voss? The list of possibilites is almost endless - you have to love western Norway in the summer!
The Joke...
Six retired Irishmen are playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500.00 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion Is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500.00 at the poker, and is afraid to come home."
"The useless bastard" Proclaims the Wife. Tell him to drop dead!".
"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.
I am home alone this weekend and the weather looks amazing. Not sure what to do yet - climb, kayak, play in the boat, finish the terrace, go to the Extreme Sport festival in Voss? The list of possibilites is almost endless - you have to love western Norway in the summer!
The Joke...
Six retired Irishmen are playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500.00 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion Is me middle name. Leave it to me."
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door.
Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, "Your husband just lost $500.00 at the poker, and is afraid to come home."
"The useless bastard" Proclaims the Wife. Tell him to drop dead!".
"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher.
23 June 2009
Midsummers Eve in Norway
This is how the celebrate the longest day of the year in Norway...
They do it on the 23rd June (which I havn't quite figured yet since the longest day is the 21st) and it's invariably raining...
They do it on the 23rd June (which I havn't quite figured yet since the longest day is the 21st) and it's invariably raining...
22 June 2009
Alcohol and Latitude...
Through extensive travel and a lot of tough field work I have noticed an interesting link between three inter-related phenomena that I would like you to consider. These are
1. Latitude
2. The cost of alcohol
3. Social attitudes to being drunk
At lower latitudes, such as Spain or Italy alcohol is very cheap and lots of people drink but it’s not acceptable to be drunk – very uncool. A bit further north in France for example, the booze is still cheap, but to be a little tipsy is ok, but not encouraged. Into Germany, Holland and Belgium and the booze is getting more expensive and people drink more, not generally to get trashed, but they have their moments, mainly at parties and beer festivals.
Northwards in to the UK and the stuff is starting to get expensive and getting drunk becomes much more acceptable. On any Saturday night the local town centre is a war zone of trashed people, stumbling, vomiting, fighting and trying to get laid. Nobody seems to really care but there is still a bit of shame the next day.
As we move further north into Scandinavia getting trashed moves from something that is accepted to something that is a positive badge of honour. There is no shame to being wasted at pretty much any festive occasion. The booze is also getting pricey and people find creative ways to get trollied. On a Saturday evening the streets are full of smartly dressed young people with carrier bags of clinking bottles heading to a friends apartment for a forspeil (literally foreplay). They will drink a bottle of gin and then head out to town at midnight already totally trashed. The older generation tackle the expensive alcohol problem in a different way. They generally reserve their drinking for sponsored company events when somebody else is paying. Then the go wild and destroy the bar. The obvious disadvantage of this approach being that your boss, or worse your employees get to see you dancing half naked on a table at 2am. This has been tackled by the near total expectance of any drunken behaviour such that nobody is either judgemental or embarrassed.
Meanwhile in the far north, Finland, Russia etc, vodka is on the breakfast menu and the population is in a near permanent state if inebriation.
So the questions are
1. Why does an increase in latitude encourage increased consumption of alcohol?
2. Is the high price up north a failed attempt to stop people drinking more?
3. Does the high price make it more social acceptable to get drunk i.e. if you can afford to be that trashed you must be holding down a good job?
And now just to prove that it must be real science – a graph!
1. Latitude
2. The cost of alcohol
3. Social attitudes to being drunk
At lower latitudes, such as Spain or Italy alcohol is very cheap and lots of people drink but it’s not acceptable to be drunk – very uncool. A bit further north in France for example, the booze is still cheap, but to be a little tipsy is ok, but not encouraged. Into Germany, Holland and Belgium and the booze is getting more expensive and people drink more, not generally to get trashed, but they have their moments, mainly at parties and beer festivals.
Northwards in to the UK and the stuff is starting to get expensive and getting drunk becomes much more acceptable. On any Saturday night the local town centre is a war zone of trashed people, stumbling, vomiting, fighting and trying to get laid. Nobody seems to really care but there is still a bit of shame the next day.
As we move further north into Scandinavia getting trashed moves from something that is accepted to something that is a positive badge of honour. There is no shame to being wasted at pretty much any festive occasion. The booze is also getting pricey and people find creative ways to get trollied. On a Saturday evening the streets are full of smartly dressed young people with carrier bags of clinking bottles heading to a friends apartment for a forspeil (literally foreplay). They will drink a bottle of gin and then head out to town at midnight already totally trashed. The older generation tackle the expensive alcohol problem in a different way. They generally reserve their drinking for sponsored company events when somebody else is paying. Then the go wild and destroy the bar. The obvious disadvantage of this approach being that your boss, or worse your employees get to see you dancing half naked on a table at 2am. This has been tackled by the near total expectance of any drunken behaviour such that nobody is either judgemental or embarrassed.
Meanwhile in the far north, Finland, Russia etc, vodka is on the breakfast menu and the population is in a near permanent state if inebriation.
So the questions are
1. Why does an increase in latitude encourage increased consumption of alcohol?
2. Is the high price up north a failed attempt to stop people drinking more?
3. Does the high price make it more social acceptable to get drunk i.e. if you can afford to be that trashed you must be holding down a good job?
And now just to prove that it must be real science – a graph!
19 June 2009
Friday Joke - The luck of the Irish
Pretty busy this week so I have copied this one from Angharad. Have a good weekend. I have a big pile of jobs to do...
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.
After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem and since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village, they went to see the Veterinarian. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So Paddy and Maggie hired Sean, a strong, virile young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested in the hope that this would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.
After a few tries, Maggie still had not climaxed. Getting more and more frustrated Maggie suggested that Paddy and Sean swap over. SO that night they did and Maggie went wild, having several screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and, in a boasting voice, said:
"And that, me son, is how ya supposed to wave the bleedin towel."
Some years ago, Paddy married an attractive woman, Maggie, half his age, in a small coastal Irish community.
After several months, Maggie complained that she had never climaxed during sex and according to her Grandmother all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while.
So, to resolve the problem and since there was no trustworthy doctor anywhere in the village, they went to see the Veterinarian. The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his mother and father would fan a cow that was having difficulty breeding, with a big towel. This would cool her down and make her relax.
So Paddy and Maggie hired Sean, a strong, virile young man from Dublin to wave that big towel over them as the Vet suggested in the hope that this would cause the young wife to cool down, relax, then climax.
After a few tries, Maggie still had not climaxed. Getting more and more frustrated Maggie suggested that Paddy and Sean swap over. SO that night they did and Maggie went wild, having several screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and, in a boasting voice, said:
"And that, me son, is how ya supposed to wave the bleedin towel."
17 June 2009
Statoilhydro official song!
This is the Statoilhydro official song , it should be the Friday Joke but I just can't wait...
Its so bad it's fantastic. It's like watching a train crash, weirdly compelling but at the same time you know it's a tragedy for all those involved.
But to be fair to the Cornershop, they are not alone.
This is JT's list of Oil Company promotional songs - it just gets better.
Starting with ExxonMobil which is utterly and unbelivably awful the "totally shitte bar is further raised by Shell to the extent that it can't be serious.
And just to prove that the former iron curtian is longer a boundary for taste or talant here is Gazprom's offering.
After those three the Statoilhydro video seems great, think I'll watch it again...
"we are always on top when we go down,
get it up,
drilling is not boring
la la la "
Post Script
Just found the big red - Haliburton
and Aker
Its so bad it's fantastic. It's like watching a train crash, weirdly compelling but at the same time you know it's a tragedy for all those involved.
But to be fair to the Cornershop, they are not alone.
This is JT's list of Oil Company promotional songs - it just gets better.
Starting with ExxonMobil which is utterly and unbelivably awful the "totally shitte bar is further raised by Shell to the extent that it can't be serious.
And just to prove that the former iron curtian is longer a boundary for taste or talant here is Gazprom's offering.
After those three the Statoilhydro video seems great, think I'll watch it again...
"we are always on top when we go down,
get it up,
drilling is not boring
la la la "
Post Script
Just found the big red - Haliburton
and Aker
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